My brain on “yes” skips ahead to all kinds of questions, from “does she play tennis? ” At the same time, my animal brain locks onto physical characteristics: a dark glint in her eyes, a soft vulnerable spot on the side of her neck, a whiff of her perfume … To come back to the present and focus on who my date is (not what I might do with her), I continuously pull my attention back to the conversation, even as my blood is rushing downward instead of up to my brain.I use little tricks to keep track of what she’s saying.And if we’re both a semi-intoxicated, I know I have to move slowly and carefully.3.Following Up As we are wrapping up our date, I pay attention to how she is responding. I want to confirm a mutual tail-wag, but I don’t ask directly.The signal is in the “what’s next” question, and if you don’t have to ask it, that’s the best signal of all.When there’s a pull to connect, both people will make space for the next date to happen.You may not see it this way, but relationships are what happens between the dates.
The mood at parting is your best indication of where things are going. “OK, see ya later,” can mean “probably not,” but wide eyes and upturned lips mean you’ll probably being see her again … Getting Into the Groove Beyond the dates comes the relating.
___I’ve been married and divorced twice, so I know a bit about relationships, but I’m not all that good at dating … When I was last on the scene, my goal was sex, not establishing relationship compatibility.
I have trouble sitting back and letting things flow. Like many of us who married on the young side, I’m new at dating, or at least at dating for a relationship.
What I’ve decided about online dating recently is that it’s a distraction.
Profiles are full of positive messages just like your fortune cookie after a nice Chinese dinner.